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VATICAN CITY (April 21) - Pope Benedict XVI has reversed centuries of traditional Roman Catholic teaching on limbo, approving a Vatican report released Friday that says there were "serious" grounds to hope that children who die without being baptized can go to heaven. -- "Catholic Church Reverses Teaching on Limbo," Nicole Winfield - AP

That this should even make the news is laughable.  That some Catholics actually believe/d such tripe is tragic.  This episode is just another example of the Catholic Church recanting some twisted, perverse teaching cynically calculated to terrorize true believers and rigidly enforce adherence to Church dogma and practice, which stands up to neither enlightened examination nor sensible inquiry -- and most assuredly was one which was never in concert with the idea of a just and loving Creator.

This sort of sickness is embedded in the institution's DNA. There's that nasty, little episode regarding the Copernican model of the universe, which was condemned by the Catholic Church -- which believed that, since Man was made in the image of God, surely the rock on which he resides (Earth) MUST be the center of the universe. Recanted -- after the Church persecuted and tormented poor Galileo and had him jailed for his adherence to heliocentrism.

And then there's Pope Gregory II and that sexist tall tale about Mary Magdalene bein' a ho' -- a former prostitute, to be more specific. Yep. Recanted.

Down the road, there will be more. There's an even bigger one coming up -- the ordination of women. But don't hold your breath; the current paleopope isn't likely to budge on that one. Apparently, the fact that Jesus had a penis instead of a vagina is of momentous importance -- enough for the Church to deny women the priesthood, even in the face of a dire shortage of priests. (Celibacy 'til death seems to discourage many men -- go figure. That's another recantation in the making, but even further down the line.) Even given the fact that many women now are performing many of the duties of the priests, the Word of the Church remains the same: "Sorry, dearie. This is a men-only club."

And what of that old canard about papal infallibility? Given the track record of the pointy-hatted pontifs throughout the centuries, one would think that one would have disappeared down the rabbit hole as well. I mean if popes were infallible, there would be no recantations, no reprehensible silence on the part of the Vatican when church officials go astray, no nightmarish papal PR gaffs. Like the tawdry, downright un-Christian silence of the Church during the Holocaust. Like its looking the other way for only God knows how long when it came to priestly indiscretions with young boys (and girls). Or, like when Joey Ratzinger became pope and then promptly put his foot in it with his decidedly un-pope-like, inflammatory, and extremely ill-timed comments about Islam.

So, with this pronouncement by Benedict, it's just another inane teaching consigned to the dustbin of religious history, another nonsensical tenet of Catholic dogma down the tubes -- with many more to go. Until then, Catholics simply will have to use the innate common sense and spiritual intelligence God gave them and ignore the outright idiocy of some of the Church's teachings.

Frankly, I find this announcement by the Church no cause for surprise, relief or celebration. My immediate response is an impatient, "AND...?"

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Thanks to Mary-Mary for the tip. :)

Well, it took the brother 61 years of toilin', totin', boilin' and butlerin' in the big house, but he's finally been promoted. Bruthaman -- Ben-baby -- is now chairman of the board!

Check this out. http://www.unclebens.com/

The man's got his very own office 'n' e'erythang. It seems company executives decided it was time to break away from the stereotypical, iconic blackman-as-house-servant image.

Man, oh man! My brain is reeling. I can't handle all this. It's just too much in one week. I find out Imus has gotten the axe, canned (actually, I saw that one coming), and now I find out the genial, smiling Uncle Ben -- Aint Jemima's cuz -- both of whom I've known since childhood, gets booted from "duh big house to duh bowedroom."

Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?

Yep. It's true. We're in the Last Days for sure. It's global warming. It's cats f*cking dogs and dogs f*cking cats. It's the Apocalypse and Sanjaya winning "American Idol" all at once! We're all doomed!

*running from the room screaming* "Run, Fo-rey-ust! Rrr-u-uu-n!"

But hold up.

"Scree-eech!" *coming to my senses*

Wait one damn minute. Don't grab the freeze-dried rations, hiking boots, blankets, buffalo jerky, water purification tablets, backpack, shotgun, shells, shortwave, cell phone, laptop, Razr, I-Pod, etc., etc., etc., and head for the mountains just yet.

There may be hope yet for the world as we know it. (Hell, yeah, I know it sux, but it's better than a post-Apocalyptic hellhole populated by flesh-eating zombies and monster cockroaches wearin' people suits a la Edgar The Bug in "Men in Black.")

Maybe the world hasn't shifted on its axis.  Maybe we're safe and things haven't changed so much after all....

When I reached the website and the images loaded, I noticed a few things. Like that shiny, brass wall plaque to the right of those big, impressive double doors. "CHAIRMAN." That's all it says. No name. Just "CHAIRMAN." And when the doors open, there's this ugly, hideously drab office (but I'll get to that later), with a message overlaid on top of that image in a neat, little black box with white print.

"Hello, I'm Uncle Ben," it begins.

Innocent enough -- right?

Au contraire. 

Aside from the fact that my inner vision had me reading, "Hello, I'm Uncle Tom" (and that's no lie; I had to pull up short and go back and read it again), I'm immediately suspicious. This man apparently has no last name. And not only is he still called "Uncle," now the man is using that hated racial slur, used to demean elderly black men back in the day (the equivalent of calling a mature, virile blackman "boy"), self-referentially!

"I'm Uncle Ben"?!! That's like a suited-down brutha striding up to you, confidently extending his hand and introducing himself as "Nigguh Pete."

WTF?

Now what kind of corporate executive or head of anything -- other than yo' momma's sister's family -- goes around calling himself "Uncle" anything? Like, say, "Hello, I'm Uncle Bill (Gates)"? Or, "Pleased as punch to meet you. I don't have a last name (or a mirror, either, apparently; why else would he go out in public with his hair so jacked up?). Shucks, jus' call me Uncka Donald. Come own iyyun an' set a spell"?

How about this one: "I ain't your damned 'Ain't Oprah.' Kiss my $1.5 billion black a**! Security!!!"

But I digress....

Okay. So, I'm up in this office. It's hideous -- brown on brown in brown. Big, homely brown desk. Brown (hardwood) floors. Brown wood paneling. Beige/off-white rug. Blahs all around. It's the kind of office no self-respecting bruthaman with any sense of style or taste would be caught within 40 feet of. There's a brown face on the wall, too, a "portrait" of the new chairman, the only real color in the place -- in more ways than one. It's the spittin' image of the face that smiles out at me from the shelves at my neighborhood Safeway. It's a visage that beams pleasantly and seems to say, "Ha do, ma'am. How may I serve you?"

I note that the name plate on the desk -- again -- has no name. It reads "CHAIRMAN." And I begin to see how carefully thought-out this charade is. They couldn't use a name, because they would have had to call him "Mister" or maybe "Doctor." I guess that simple, conventional courtesy was too radical a concept for the boys on Madison Avenue.  It somehow was much easier for these PR wizards to fathom that the public would accept a house servant suddenly and inexplicably being kicked upstairs straight to the boardroom after six decades of loyal service, with no additional training.  Dang.  Not even night school?

They're right, of course.  I mean, gosh.  Who would buy that a man who's performed his humble responsibilities with skill and dignity, nearly a half decade after the Civil Rights Movement, would now be accorded the simple dignity of a proper title?

Nor, apparently, could they bring themselves to give the man a last name -- presumably because then they'd have had to change the brand name.  But it's not like they'd have had to market "Mistuh Jones'-Mau-Mau-Ain't-Gon'-Shuffle-No-Gottdamn-Mo'-So-Eat-Me-Rice!"  Yeah, I admit it has a nice ring to it, but I can be reasonable.  "Ben's Rice" would have suited me just fine.

But back to that butt-ugly office.  It's interactive. The first thing -- after the nameless name plate -- that catches my eye is that little, brown photographic image on the work table beyond the desk chair.

H-m-m. Lemme see what moves this man.

*click*

I'm whisked around behind his desk, and I'm thinkin', "Cool."

It's almost as dreary from this angle, black and -- what else -- more brown.  There's an oatmeal sofa in the background, complete with the obligatory chess set on a nearby coffee table.  The all-too-obvious message?  "This is no ordinary knee-grow who got his job through Affirmative Action or white guilt" (as in, say, for example, "Golly, we sure are sorry for using you as a demeaning mascot for over six decades.").  No, siree, Bob. This is a thinking man!") The desktop is sleek and shiny -- brown marble.  Brown leather notebook. Flat-panel monitor.

Wait. Back to that notebook.  Let's see whut this brutha b thankin'....

*click*

"FROM THE DESK OF UNCLE BEN -- CHAIRMAN"

"Traversing through Bengal and Doab, I learned that they have an oft-quoted proverb: grains of rice should be like two brothers -- close, but not stuck together. I think brothers should always attempt to be more like my COUNTRY INN chicken & vegetable rice -- tasteful and well-prepared."

WTF?  I don't how much Mars (the parent company) paid those ad execs to come up with this silly artifice, but what former butler brutha do you know uses "traverse" -- except maybe when referring to a curtain rod? Or "oft" except in, "Day-um! Dem pigs jus' up an' oft dat brutha when he reached fo' his wallet!"?

Give me a break.

Okay. I'll grant that a brutha should be tasteful and well-prepared. Sounds reasonable -- but ask yourself:  is old Ben in a position to speak on the subject?  I mean he's about as well-prepared as deep-fried, pickled Minute Rice.  And tasteful? You're kiddin' me -- right? His office looks like a colostomy bag blew up in it!

I'd bet new money there wasn't a single, solitary black person involved in this abysmal attempt at a corporate makeover.  It's not only completely preposterous, it's an insult to our intelligence.

Let's face it.  It was a failed undertaking from the git-go.

I appreciate the sentiment/effort, guys, but lesson one: you can't make slavery and servitude right with trivial window dressing. (Duh.) Lesson two: you can't put a white character in blackface and make him believable. (Bi-ii-ig duh.) Lesson three:  If a man can "traverse" through India, play chess and heads a board of directors, he deserves an office befitting his intelligence, sensibilities and status.  In short, if you make any man chairman of the board of a major corporate enterprise -- especially a blackman -- and give him an office, you'd bettuh trick that mutha out!

From the article in The New York Times

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/30/business/media/30adco.htmlex=1176868800&en=bf8ac1e66bef8358&ei=5070

that reported the story:

"This is an interesting idea, but for me it still has a very high cringe factor," said Luke Visconti, partner at Diversity Inc. Media in Newark, which publishes a magazine and Web site devoted to diversity in the workplace. "There's a lot of baggage associated with the image," Mr. Visconti said, which the makeover "is glossing over."

"Cringe factor"? Indeed. I've stopped laughing myself sick. Now, I just wanna go, "Ee-uu-uuw."

I feel unclean.

Where are those damned Gold Dust Twins

http://www.geocities.com/~jimlowe/tmoore/golddust.html 

when you need 'em?

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Imus is finally gone -- finally. No word about his sleazoid sycophant executive producer Bernard McGuirk.

Below, the text of a communication I sent to CBS about noon yesterday, before CBS finally grew some and did the right thing.

CBS's response to the Imus situation was slow and remains unacceptably inadequate. I have absolutely NO intention of watching the CBS network or patronizing any of the network's subsidiaries or major advertisers/sponsors unless and until CBS management does the right thing and fires BOTH Don Imus and Bernard McGuirk for their appallingly racist, sexist remarks. Their conduct is reprehensible and an affront to all people of decency and conscience.

The announced two-week suspension of Imus isn't even a slap on the wrist; it's a vacation. Someone, please explain to me how CBS can pretend to be a responsible corporate citizen and plan to continue to employ people who have a history of polluting the public airwaves with such disgusting speech.

I am a college-educated African-American woman. SURELY, you must have some notion of the political strength and purchasing power of the black community. We will no longer tolerate such offenses, such affronts to our people. There is no doubt whatsoever in my mind that had Imus used the word "kike" or "money-grubbing Jew" or some similarly disgusting rhetoric on his show, he'd be out on the street on his butt as soon as the "On Air" light dimmed.

The issue here is a simple one:RESPECT. 

Imus and McGuirk are the line in the sand.  Enough is enough!

Imus' apologies notwithstanding, his remarks in his interview with Al Sharpton and elsewhere clearly indicate he still doesn't get it.  And while an apology is what any sensible person would do; it cannot obliterate the words, it cannot undo the harm. Imus must be made to pay for his on-air conduct with his job. 

The same is true for Imus' executivei producer Bernard McGuirk. We've heard not a peep out of him. Not only did he inject sexist and racist animus into the discussion with the introduction of "ho'," he then continued on to talk about "jigaboos"! This mental and moral cretin, hired, in Imus' own words (in an early interview) to "do the nigger jokes," has GOT to go.

WHERE IS YOUR CONSCIENCE? YOUR SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY TO THE PUBLIC? YOUR SENSE OF DECENCY, CORPORATE INTEGRITY AND MORALITY? 

The exodus of sponsors has will continue. 

... I and others will communicate our thanks and support to NBC and the advertisers and individuals who have disassociated themselves from the Imus show. We will lodge formal complaints with the FCC, demanding that they take action in this instance and in other instances where radio talk show hosts engage in such hate speech as was exhibited by both Imus and McGuirk last Thursday. The fine of $325,000 per utterance for obscenity and offending public decency should be levied in such cases as the Imus/McGuirk incident. Let's see. That's "ho'", "nappy-headed ho's" and "jigaboo." Just for starters, that's $975,000.

Your corporate bean counters should give serious consideration to the escalating consequences of keeping Imus and McGuirk on the air. We intend to follow through on this. Hate speech is NOT covered by the First Amendment. And if the FCC can go after PBS stations for airing fairly innocuous obscenities uttered in historical context, then it certainly can and should go after those who spew racist and sexist venom that panders to the lowest common denominator, that inflames/feeds old hatreds and resentments and inflicts deep wounds on some of the most hopeful and vulnerable among us.

From a "Washington Post" article: "'He's crossed the line, he's violated our community,' [African-American CBS executive and former head of the NAACP] Gordon told the Associated Press. 'He needs to face the consequence of that violation.' CBS declined to comment on Gordon's statement." 

Gordon is right. Imus and McGuirk should have BEEN gone -- and not just suspended; fired. Fired for not only this episode, but for a track record of sleazy, vicious, vile commentary that is racist, sexist and homophobic. Such intemperate, offensive speech and conduct have absolutely NO place in our increasingly diverse society. They must have no safe harbor if we are to build the harmonious, egalitarian, respectful, cohesive, civil, American society that we all must all strive for -- for ourselves and those who come after us. 

Do the right thing. Fire them both and then try to salvage whatever respectability/credibility with the black community you may have remaining.

DO IT NOW.

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